Striking Back Against the Anti-Ass!

Today, I talked to one of my physiotherapists about the anti-ass problem. Her solution: a hemorrhoid cushion. While I am at the drugstore buying this hemorrhoid cushion, I should probably pick up a pair of rainbow suspenders, a yappy little dog wearing a tartan sweater and some Metamucil, because I obviously have a first-class ticket on the Old Man Express. All aboard!